SAINT SEBASTIAN'S ABYSS by Mark Haber

Lampooning the rarified world of art criticism might sound like shooting fish in a barrel but seldom is it done well. In Saint Sebastian’s Abyss, Mark Haber delivers satire of the highest order, full of hilarious gags but also thoughtful insights into art, history, obsession and the nature of male bonding.

Our unnamed narrator reflects on his decades long friendship-cum-bitter feud with Schmidt. The two are credited as the world authorities on 16th Century artist Count Hugo Beckenbauer, and his masterpiece, Saint Sebastian’s Abyss. As the years pass, their views diverge, especially after the narrator makes a single observation that mortally offends Schmidt. From that point, their respective works become volleys in a riotous war of words and ideas, only seeing the possibility of resolution with Schmidt’s impending death.

If Haber’s obsessively circular prose owes a debt to Thomas Bernhard, it is to the great Austrian’s funnier, more contained books like My Prizes (a particular favourite of mine). So perfectly realised was the whole thing, that I was convinced both the artist and the painting were real. I Googled. I asked friends in the art world. It’s not. What a triumphant hoot!

Saint Sebastian’s Abyss by Mark Haber
Coffee House Press, 2022
140 pages